Monthly Archives: December 2013

Spam Poetry

Got a weird spam email this morning. It’s a time of year when relatives are sending out random e-cards all the time, with no announcement, so I wasn’t quite sure whether this was legit. Not wanting to click any links or fetch any images in a dodgy-looking email, I went to the source. Lo! It contained a whole bunch of text, I guess to try to get it past the spam filters, and not only was the text nothing to do with the subject (Letter From Santa For Your Child) but it’s a shining dadaist sonnet. Here’s a bit:

Set the pan to two pounds of milk. Sweeten it with boiling fat, and add the fire, by the backbone, and yet been tossed in boiling coffee essence when cold water, pepper, salt, and skin; cover it on the top, leaving the water, with powdered sugar, and you can be followed using the mushrooms and salt and let them fry lightly the vegetable. It should never wrote the yolk of Brussels sprouts. Do the mixture as much, and eat on it over them. Put a pound of the form a puree and turnip, potato with a well-buttered frying-pan, dust of egg.

So, 1) don’t click anything in that email but 2) enjoy some weird food Engrish!

Audio Kryptonite

You know that thing where you start imitating the accents and speech patterns of people around you? Yeah, I’m really susceptible to that. Audio books with compelling readers are the worst. It’s bad enough when I’m reading an actual printed book and really getting into it and find myself using turns of phrase from the work in normal conversation. I feel like a complete buffoon then, believe it, but it’s even worse with an audiobook. The one I’m listening to now has a narrator with a strong Irish accent — which only makes sense, given that the setting is Ireland — and the darned thing is infecting my mind. Typing a bug report to a software vendor two days ago, I characterized a functioning aspect of the program as, “grand.” Who, in America, says that? Nobody, that’s who! Ah, Jayzus, and even as I write this feckin’ confession, I’m hearin’ it narrated by this woman.

I’ve got to get myself some American (preferably, California) audio input. Time to hit Netflix for something ludicrous.